Blast from the past

dear kerryn, i think u will be happy to know that your previous post is not something new... 7 years (!!) ago, yours truly blogged about what you mentioned. I will reproduce it below and hopefully, it encourages you that you are not alone! :D

love, debra

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October 2, 2003

you know what? im all ready for a post about life. at last! haha.

you know how sometimes life… no, God… just works so miraculously? haha if my friend reads this she’ll be quite amused. but i needta share it. so there i was sitting in front of my comp… invisible on icq. there i go being anti social again. then i see my fren! so shud i msg her? i did. and we started chatting… and then i apparently “inspired” her personal statement… or so she claims but lets just take her word for it :) anyway i read it and it was good. so if i didnt make the first step… this whole chain of events wouldnt have occurred! and im sure many other stuff happen to us in very much the same way. ahhh the beauty of life.

but you know sometimes u feel so down and out. then suddenly it seems that life is meaningless and full of crap. and no one really seems to care at all. especially during the prelims… when all i did was stay home to mug. wake up mug eat a bit mug. mugmugmug. i really feel that singapore’s mugging society is exerting a negative externality on our lives. pardon the economic jargon. but seriously, other parts of our lives get distorted. suddenly our whole focus is on the 4As… well not tt for me but yeh. what happens to our families… friends… pursuing what we like? suddenly all that has to be put on hold cos we wanna muggggggg. maybe im exaggerating a little here but that was how i really felt then. like my life had to be put on hold cos i need to mug man.

then i have to remind myself… hey life is so short. the one hour of mugging probably wouldnt yield as much marks as the happiness u get frm doing something u like for awhile. seriously… then u think of the times u wanted to pon sch to mug… did ponning school actually help much?? and for that u forgoed time spent with ur class. “in the long run we are all dead.” forgot which guy said that but the econs s pple prob know. now thats like my fav quote i ever received frm econs. its so apt. sometimes i really wish i had the courage to do what i want. i wanna quit sch and go pursue my dreams!! oh wait. then i realise that in this whole lifetime of mine… ive been so busy keeping up with this fast paced society that i no longer know what i want to do! it was easy saying i wanna be a vet, a teacher (now i cant believe i wanted to teach…. and eat chalk and get snide remarks frm my students?!)… but in the end they vanish. cos reality is most of the time not what we idealize it to be. (hahaaa just like a pc market is never really quite applicable to the economy.)

oh well so i guess thats where faith comes in. for people with religions… a light shines at the end of the tunnel. in the long run… we wont be all dead cos most religions believe in an afterlife.. er if im not wrong. hee ok dun kill me if i generalised that. ah but u see most pple our age dun have religions! ok maybe i generalised that too. what im trying to say is… with all that mugging and stuff… has anyone started to think about the meaning of life?? i kinda went thru that stage last yr. i dunno… perhaps we r too comfortable in the material world we live in. everything is so seemingly perfect. why spoil it by thinking about the end of days. or what happens after that last breath u take. i know some cynics who scorn religions. they think that its just a way of trying to escape from reality and the brutality of life. hm maybe it is, maybe it isnt. we will all find out… in the long run.

you know somehow i dunno whether to post this post. haha. what the heck i will.

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